Sea Girl

She awoke, it was that dream again, the one where she was talking to her 18 year old son. She had no child. She sat thinking that dream seemed so real? She began to ponder did she perhaps have a child in an alternative universe? Maybe one that she did not even know about. She really doubted that was possible. She thought of her friends, who had had children young age 21 and how their own children would be now 16 years old. Yet, she had not had one with her ex-fiance. Despite, laughing and talking about it-driving in the front seat of his car – the trips to Krispy Kreme donuts back when she could eat that much without it affecting her waistline. Everyone told her she was slim, however she had been much slimmer before hand. 

Now this dream of a child, a child who had not formed. Who maybe never was. She had met him thinking she was pregnant. Maybe now she would perhaps hear her babies heartbeat, if she was not to old. She had become fussy dating now, except for her regular guy- but he had alcohol issues and she was not going down that route again. The lies, the quiet, the acting secretive. His secret was his desire to drink. One week she went over, he proudly showed her 3 bottles of new vodka, the next week she came back- it had just vanished. Disappeared. Then he was getting sick, refusing to eat much food. His desire was only the alcohol. So how could this man ever be a father to her child? He would not tell her the truth about his addiction. Yet, she had seen it before. She attracted these types. The ones who had alcohol as first love, her dad was an alcoholic. I guess it was not her fault she fell for them. But could she bear his child in the world? Knowing, deep down, she would be a full time mum to it. He would not be able to help. He barely survived. 

So many memories rushed into her head. The has- beens. The morning after pills she had taken. Maybe there was a child of hers out there in an alternative universe. What was he or she doing? Did they decide to go to university, did they struggle with reality like she did? 

As she questioned herself, she looked at the time itn was 7am. Time to wake up. Another busy day.

Him

He stood there, looking at his mum. She had that strange look in her eyes. Sometimes it happened, like she slipped off into another version of herself. He was now 17 and excited about driving a car, Mum had told him it had taken her 5 times to pass. She was a fairly good driver, although sometimes she had silly accidents, like losing her hubcaps. The other day she accidentally went into someones bumper daydreaming. She had me young 21, but she had worked hard for me. My dad, well, he had to many mental issues for mum to deal with so she brought me up alone. It was tough on her, but Nanny helped. She decided it was better for us to move to Wales, she didn’t like the London lifestyle anymore. Nanny had moved over there herself and she felt that London held to many bad memories. I like Wales, I have done well,I joined the rugby team and I work hard in the local restaurant. Mum is proud of me, sometimes I think she is like Nanny and she just goes off in her own world. Not that there is anything wrong with that. I am not perfect. I found out young I have dyslexia and ADHD. But at least I was able to get the support I need. Mum told me in her day she did not get so much support and this left her feeling vulnerable and she was often bullied. Mum is a veterinary assistant, she loves animals so much. In our house we have 2 cats and 2 dogs, plus a fish tank. The cats and dogs all get on together, some days she makes me walk them- even though I am tired I do it for her as she is busy constantly , trying to look after us both.